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S E X  T H E R A P Y


Anorgasmia is the name given to a condition that some women have, when they are unable to reach a climax.

Most men learn to masturbate in early adolescence and their climax is obvious because they ejaculate, having an emission of semen. For the majority of women, however, the genital area is a no no! They grow up with taboos or prohibitions saying don’t look, don’t touch, sex is dirty, sex is a duty, and because of these discouragement’s only a minority of women, perhaps 35%, have become orgasmic by the age of 18 whilst for men of the same age the figure is over 90%. If someone has never, ever, reached a climax they are said to have primary anorgasmia.

Secondary anorgasmia is the name given to the condition where a woman has at some stage in the past been able to reach a climax, whether by masturbation or with intercourse, but now, for some reason, the experience cannot be recaptured.

Treatment may take time because it involves modification of attitudes and behaviour. Education will be provided, which may include information about sexual anatomy and physiology, and taboos will be explored to see whether they feel comfortable enjoying their sensibility and sexuality.

It is especially important to allow oneself adequate time to become excited so that arousal is complete. Much of the original research work was done by William Masters and Virginia Johnson in St. Louis in the United States of America in the 1960’s. They showed that the excitement phase often lasted an hour or more in an experienced woman, and that any disturbance, unwanted thoughts or interruption could prevent one reaching what they called the plateau stage of arousal.

Fear of making a fool of oneself, losing control, making a noise, being abandoned, or behaving in an unlady like way, either singlely or in combination, slow the whole process down. Perhaps the strongest inhibitor is the fear of the unknown ...... what will happen to me?

Self esteem and self confidence allow one to like one’s body, and learn to enjoy the pleasure it can give, but it is necessary to feel comfortable when looking at, touching or stimulating the body and especially the genital area. It must be remembered we are not all glamorous or beautiful, but to someone we represent their ideal.

In the United States there is a club called “Big is Beautiful”, with the criteria for membership being a weight of over 300 pounds (136 kilos), and the members say they feel no sexual attraction to the skinnier members of society, and they are not attracted to most fashionable models who are a size 8 or 10! It is important that we like and love ourselves if we are to allow ourselves full enjoyment of our sexuality, and then let this enjoyment lead without pressure to orgasm.

Primary anorgasmia can be helped by finding out as much as possible about the body by reading, by working with a women’s group or, if you feel shy, you can seek help from your family doctor, a women’s health centre or a clinical psychologist, where you will work on a one to one basis.

Secondary anorgasmia may be due to an unpleasant experience, rape, incest, painful intercourse, which may be due to vaginal infection, inadequate love play or pleasuring, or related to a deteriorating relationship. Sometimes poor communication with a partner does not allow us to ask for the forms of loving that turns us on most - and none of us are mind readers, so we must let our partner know what we want and need. Our priorities may be upside down .... the relationship or marriage is usually more important, long term, than job, money, children, parents or anything else ..... except, of course, in crisis situations.

Often we have never really learnt to be a skillful lover. We teach children many things, to use a pot, to drink out of a cup, to talk, to walk, to read and write, to ride a bike, but sex is “natural” so it is something you do not need to learn! In fact the art of lovemaking is highly complex and it takes as long to learn to be a good lover

- Ageing - AIDS
- Anorgasmia - Barrier Methods of Contraception
- Frigidity - Genital Herpes
- Impotence - Loss of Libido
- Masturbation - Miscarriage
- Post Natal Depression - Pregnancy
- Premature Ejaculation - Retarded Ejaculation
- Sex and Disability - Sexual Activity during and after Pregnancy
- Smoking and Pregnancy - Stretch Marks in Pregnancy
- Syphilis and Gonorrhoea - Termination (Abortion)
- The I.U.D. (or Intra Uterine Device) - The Pill (Oral Contraceptive Pill or OCP)
- The Rhythm Method of Birth Control
or Natural Family Planning
- Tubal Ligation
- Vasectomy - What is Normal??

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